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[Approved] Character submission : Nicola Tristen
#1
In Game Name (IGN): tadg11
How did you find us? (Forums, friend, previous member, etc…) told by a personal friend to join
About You: I have been roleplaying for a couple years now and was looking for a group to roleplay seriously with and when Kiro invited me on it seemed like a prime opportunity.
 
CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Nicola (Nic) Tristen
Age: 21
Gender: Male

Appearance: Nic can normally be found wearing an apron green on the front and black on the back, under his apron he wears a short sleeved white shirt with a pair of buttons at the top, he has a small silver charm around his neck that he keeps tucked under his shirt, He wears a pair of dark green pants on the bottom that sit loosely around his waist with large cargo pockets for storage.
He stands at about six feet tall with some muscle, He has blonde hair and light green eyes, he has a burn scar down his left leg but no other permanent injury.
 
Personality: Having been quite recently exposed to bloodshed and the savagery of the world he is not yet adjusted to severe conflict, he is innocent in several respects though he is no longer the wide eyed child he once was due to the troubles he had encountered in his travels, Despite what he saw in his travels and all those who would better see him dead than help him he still tries to do good by everyone, an innocence that persist for no good reason, he tries to put others above himself, though this often leaves him in a worse position than when he started, he takes great value in the little things in life and often places his trust in those who don’t deserve, He is persistent with quiet people and made ,somehow, even more extroverted while around other bubbly people, He has somewhat insane temperament and would take a great amount to push him over the edge, he admires effort over ability and always looks to help where he can, he always works to prove himself no matter if there is anyone to prove himself to  always wanting to get better, this often leads to his failures being all the more disappointing for him, he is not one to give up no matter what and no matter the odds, when he has a goal he will achieve it.

Backstory: Nic was born into a small town, in the middle of nowhere, into a large family. He was the youngest of his family. His father was a baker and had decided at some point that Nic would be the son to carry on his legacy as all others either had a clear career path or had jobs already. Sadly these feelings where not reciprocated. Nic had found his own idle by the name of Enica. He had known her of as long as he could remember, back when he was a child putting in orders for new knives, watching the gaurd come into town, eventualy building up courage to go up and talk to her. She was the blacksmith and a member of the guard in that town. She was everything he wanted to be, strong, confident, good with a sword, talented. What wasn’t there to admire? Despite Nic’s admiration for her though and his clear aspiration to become a blacksmith his father persisted he continue his lineage and become a Baker like him. His father's need to cary on his craft though his son left a bitter taste of favoriteisim in the mouths of his brothers and sisters, though Nic would give anything to not have to be the one to carry on as a baker.
 
Nic, begrudgingly, learned from his father how to bake and became good at baking a wide varitey of breads and pastries. Like his father he could just about create a good meal with any ingredients as long as flour was involved. but it was not what he wanted to do with his life. Nearly every day when he got the chance he would go visit Enica and talk with her, ask her advice and sometimes she would even show him how to fight with a sword. He was not adept by any manner but he was happy. He felt like he was finaly learning something he wanted. He began to come out of his shell more and instead of just reserving himself to his home and the blacksmith he began to go out much more. He got to speak with the rest of the town and the warmed up to him quickly due to his generally happy personality. He spoke with people a lot, it didnt matter what the subject was he just loved talking to people.

He continued to train with his father and learn with Enica until one day she let him work the forge. With one silly mistake he spilled molten metal on his leg and was nearly crippled if it wasn’t for Enica’s quick thinking. His father, of course, blamed the entire incident on Enica and she took the fall for Nic for his sake.

Nic was banned from going to see her. This left him crushed, he felt like all of his progress for nothing. So he did what any teenager would and ignored his parents, sneaking out to see Enica and carry on as if nothing had ever happened. He was happy once again with his life. He worked during the day at the bakery and when work was over he went to Enica’s and learned more. His siblings, being the jelious people they where over Nic's 'special' treatment would not make his life easy when it came to sneaking out however. they would routenely try and catch him out and prevent him from going where he wanted. however, any time he was caught sneaking out he managed to talk his way out of it and managed to go anyway, allowing him to develop his skills with getting what he wanted from people.

Everything went fine until one fateful day when the guard came back from what was supposed to be routine patrols, down a member. Enica had died in an ambush. Nic upon hearing the news was shattered, his teacher and friend was gone without even saying goodbye. He found solace in the fact that she had left him her apron and found resent for his father when he wouldn’t let him keep it because he ‘shouldn’t be allowing such a dangerous woman to groom him’ his father threw the apron in the fireplace… but it was a blacksmiths apron so it was unaffected. Nic knew he had to keep it but he would not be allowed to keep it in his home so he had his baker’s apron and the blacksmithing apron sewn together back to back so it would appear to be a baker’s apron.

At some point he had had enough. He was sick and tired of his entire life being predetermined for him so he packed a backpack, used his limited knowledge and an abandoned blacksmithing forge to create a sword to defend himself and threw he apron around him as he left the town to the farewells for the crowd and the dismay of his father. He was free
But the world isn’t a fun place to live in. he travelled from town to town sometimes setting up camp in the woods, sometimes staying in an inn. The longest he had ever taken up residence somewhere was for three months in a small village but as if bad luck had it out for him the vilage was utterly decimated by a dragon leaving the people refugees. More often than not he would find a stranger, someone to accompany him on his journey and then swiftly be robbed. He never ventured near larger settlements of any importance in his travels so he did not feel any of the impact of the civil war or the opening of the dusk portal. It was a miracle of luck and some smiling god somewhere that after two long years of travel he reached Nightveil

Capabilities: Nic’s capabilities come from teaching and his travels on the way to Nightveil, he is an conpitent in baking, thanks to his father,  and a aprentice swordsman thanks to his Enica. He has Basic knowledge in Blacksmithing from Enica and Survival due to his years in the forbidden lands, Thanks to his warm personality and training from persuading his family and friends to look the other way he is conpitent at persuasion.
 
Items: a weak / flimsy Sword, a loaf of bread, a near empty backpack
#2
Hello there tadg11, I'll be grading your application. 

-=oOo=-

Large but nonexistent: You mentioned in the backstory that Nic was born to a "large" family, yet there are no interactions whatsoever between Nic and the other members of the family except for his father. Considering the family was already large when Nic was born, it is curious that he should be the one to follow in his father's footsteps. 

I'd like to know more about the interactions would have taken place between Nic and the other members of the family. Was there nobody at all in the entire family that backed Nic up in his aspirations? Surely if Nic was being chosen to take up the trade next, the other siblings would be in other professions, and thus perhaps wouldn't be so biased towards blacksmiths. Please consider such questions in your next edit.

Childhood: Linked to the previous point, I'd like you to add some details on his childhood. How was he raised? Since he was born and raised in the town, did he know Enica as a child? The way interactions revolves around Nic sounds as if he had only recently moved into the town, which is quite confusing, to be frank. For example the line: "He got to speak with the rest of the town and the warmed up to him quickly due to his generally happy personality." makes it sound as if he never had the chance to speak with the rest of the town, which is odd considering he spent nearly two decades in it. Please elaborate this point in your next edit.

Detached and isolated?: There are events that took place in the Middle Realm that ravaged the lands. The Civil Wars that went on for twenty years or so, the reopening of the portal to the Dusk Realm, and the emergence of dragons are some of the recent events that took place. I'd like to know how Nic's life was affected by such events or how it wasn't affected, in which case I'd also like to know why. I suggest taking a look at our Lore as reference. 

Advanced Skillset: So, skills. As of now, Nic has the following skillset: 
Cuisine - Advanced
Swordsmanship - Competent
Smithing - Basic
Survival - Basic

First of all, I'd ask you to change the Cuisine skill to Baking skill since Nic was trained to be specifically a Baker, under his father's tutelage. It's rather difficult to imagine he would know how to cook a wide variety of dishes, and since baking bread and cooking are two rather different things, I'd have to ask you to change this, that is, unless you can back it up in the backstory to retain it as Cuisine. 

Secondly, the skill levels are too high. By my understanding, Nic only trained "sometimes" with Enica, and most of their time was spent talking, which I'm afraid isn't enough to warrant a competent skill grade in swordsmanship. Also considering Nic rather disliked his training with his father and sneaked off to talk to Enica, an Advanced skill grade is also a bit too high. I quote from our skill guide: "Characters around this age who strive for an advanced skill don't have time or experience to have other skills."

Based on the current backstory, I would suggest pulling Cuisine(Baking) skill down to Competent and Swordsmanship to Apprentice. 

Lastly, just as a note, Persuasion is more of an rp skill, which means the proficiency of the skill depends on your roleplay, which is why I didn't add it to the skillset.

-=oOo=-

I think that is it for now. Please bump the thread once you're done editing. 
#3
Made the amendments you suggested. Thank you for the feedback.
#4
Alright then, I think everything checks out. I call this app APPROVED. I'll go ahead and whitelist you.
  


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