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[Approved] Application- Miss_Allegra
#1
In Game Name (IGN):Miss_Allegra
How did you find us? (Forums, friend, previous member, etc…)got bored and started googling roleplay servers, boom, there you were, hello.
]About You: I'm 18, from australia and currently going through Uni, studying creative writing and theater, im a very keen roleplayer and have been participating in LARP, and online fantasy roleplays (both minecraft and text based) for seven years, so I'd hope to have lotsof ideas and experience to contribute.
 
CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Ophelia "Tiny" Saba
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Appearance: Ophelia is Very short, only coming in at 4"9, paired with a muscular, feminine build, often meaning she isn't taken seriously, but that doesn't stop her, her red hair and bright gold eyes betray her fierceness and she is usully quite quick, if a little clumsy, on her feet, because she ends up running a lot, she sticks to a shirt, shorts, and sturdy boots, much to her mother's dismay
Personality: Ophelia is a ferocious girl with a sharp wit and even sharper tongue, which often gets her into trouble, she has  knck for gtting into argumentsand doesnt know when to stop, so she can be alittle tricky to get close to, but if anyone ever does, she becomes quite playful and wildly affectionate towards her friends, of course this can lead to more problems, especially if the friend is uncomfortable with such affection. despite all of this outwards confidence and attitude, she is incredibly insecure about herselfand any conflict or rejection can leave her questioning herself for days, making her wary of gaetting near people again, creating a nasty cycle
Backstory: Ophelia was born at exactly 11:45pmon the very last day of 30AV to Theresa and Erik Saba, A Hunter and Seamstress who had retreated to the deepest part of the densest forest they could find in the hopes of waiting out the civil, since that's not really the kind of thing you want to expose an onfant or her four year old brother, Bastion, too. It was a very quiet place, with almost no contact with the outside world, and as soon as she could walk and holda weapon, her father and brother started training her to hunt.

It wasn't untill Ophelia was five, when the Dusk Portal opened that the Sabas even knew the war was over, fearing for the future of their children, Erik joined those that tried to resist, his death was never relayed to the family, though both Theresa and Bastion accepted in their hearts that it had happened when he stopped sending them letters a few months later, though Ophelia, stubborn as she was at six years old, remained firm that he was adventuring, and so she stuck at her training, determined to become good enough to join him.

In the winter of Ophelia's thirteenth year, when she had aleady stopped growing any taller, a sickness rendered her mother and brother bedridden, and the girl did not have time to care for her family if she was to bring in enough game for them to eat, but she did what she could. the sickness persisted long after the cold weather ended, and in just under a year, she became an only child, and then an orphan, but she did not sinkinto depression, she still clung to the faded story that her father was travelling, and so she decided to find him.

Fourteen, alone, and having no idea how the world outside the forest worked, Ophelia wandered for years from town to town, causing as little trouble as she could, always searching, and yet never seeing just how bad things were all around her. Her blinding optimisim came to a screeching halt after two years when she found her father's dagger, still with the carvings she and Bastion and made on the ivory hilt, in a dingy merchant's cart,Erik would never part with it unless he had died, in that singular moment everything that Ophelia had clung to in those years alone came crashing down, she had nothing left, and the world was only growing darker, finally, she gave in, returning to her family's now abandonned cottage.

Ophelia isolated herself for the next few years, shutting the world out, drowning any thoughts with a drudging monotony, wake, hunt, prepare her kills, practice her skills, eat, sleep, every day,even when there was nothing more she could learn in that forest, she trained, and she hunted, untill there was nothing left to hunt, the animals driven away by the Xitian's influence on the world. only then, when she was starving and the forest itself began to die, did she pack her few belongings and once again brave the cities. Seeing the state that they were in made a fury she'd thought long gone burn in her, but as hermother told her long ago "if theres a fire you're trying to douse, you cant put it out from inside the house" she could not fight anything while she was a part of it, and just like that, she left, finding her way onto a ship as a cabin boy, a position she was never really hired for, and found her way to Nightveil.


Capabilities: she dedicated years to being self sufficient, she is an Advanced hunter and cook, can start fires and build sturdy shelters, she's agile and strong enough to carry anything she kills, but she has a habit of falling out of trees and walking into things, ((not sure how to phrase it, but when it comes to grace, she'd be Competant, at best)) on top of this, she has very little skill when it comes to social interaction, bartering or negotiation, barely quilifying as a Novice. The one domestic skill she is proud to claim is a knack for storytelling, she always carriesa notebook and writes while waiting for her prey or when the weather is too bad to be out hunting at all.
Items: she always carries only four things with her, her notebook (book and quill), her bow and a few arrows, and a simple stone sword for finishing off her kills
"It's a terrible shame, to have something so worth losing"
#2
Hello, Allegra. I'm Hutchy and I'll be helping you through whitelisting.

Alright, first things first, I need to see more relation to the servers lore, which can be found here.  Being 20, he'll have been born shortly before the Civil War ended. Make sure to make mention of these and following events in your character's backstory.Speaking of backstory, it needs to end with either your character arriving in or travelling to where the setting takes place. For ease of reference, it's a town called Nightveil.

Skills-wise, I'll need you to assign a 'level' to each of the skills to help me judge the realism of the character. You can find a guide to help you do that here.

I'll leave it there for now, post in this thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue from there.
#3
Hi Hutchy, nice to meet you, I've made some adjustments, is this better?
"It's a terrible shame, to have something so worth losing"
#4
Alright, first I have to apologise for the last feedback. It seems soemthing went wrong and I gave you the wrong feedback. Doing this late at night clearly isn't a good idea.

Anyhow, onto your actual points to work on.

As the lore point goes, since your character is 19, I need to see reference to the lore points that occured while she was alive, namely the Civil War ending and the Dusk Portal reopening and how she and others reacted if they heard of these things happening.

Next, I would recommend that you take a look at previous accepted apps to see some examples of what we would prefer to see of you in the backstory. It doesn't need to be a novel, but it needs to be more detailed than what you have right now. Long story short, it needs to be a story that follows their life instead of a summary. Ideally it should follow the character's life closely, but doesn't need huge amounts of detail, and explain how they developed their skills to their appropriate levels and how their personality was formed.

Since that might be quite a big ask, I'll leave feedback there. Given progress here your application should be dealt with quickly. Like before, post when you've made your edits and we'll continue.
#5
is this better? I'm not surehow much more detail i can put into her life, it was very repetetive day to day
"It's a terrible shame, to have something so worth losing"
  


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[Approved] Application- Miss_Allegra00