[NickB333]

In Game Name(IGN):
Your Minecraft USERNAME
NickB333

Why do you want to join?
Looking to get back into RP. And I love you all.


Do you have any RP'ing experience?
Si.

Tell us a bit about yourself:
Most of you guys all know me. Dunno what to say about myself besides that I am a fifteen year old guy. I left became inactive from this community once I started taking a liking in MilSim, and I hopped through a few ARMA 2 MilSim groups, leaving me with little time for Roleplay.

Your Character Biography:

Twenty years ago, Rosalie was born in mid-winter, in the town of Highport. By the time she was born, the town was practically abandoned. Her parents were young at the time. Her father, Darren being just barely seventeen years of age, and her mother Sona being nineteen. Rosalie took on most of the features of her mother. She had her mother's blonde hair, large blue eyes and round face. Oddly enough, unlike either of her parents, she also had light freckles across her cheeks and nose.

When Rosalie was three years old, her father had decided they should move out of the abandoned town. Everyone was either staying in the town of Nympha, or had moved on to new places. He left for a short few months while he looked for a new place to live. Rosalie was left in the care of only her mother for that time, who was very protective of her. Sona always seemed worried that something would happen. But, nothing ever did.

When her father returned, he said that he had found a new home. The town it was located in had many former residents of Highport and Nympha. Auria, it was called. Rosalie and her family moved there when she was for years old. She found the new town exciting. It was colorful, unlike the snowy wasteland and frozen lakes around Highport. The trees were tall too, unlike the conifers in Highport. Rosalie loved it.

For the first few years Rosalie lived there, they stayed in a small inn room. Her father was building somewhere new to live. In Auria, Rosalie wandered the town. She met plenty of new people, including Scipio. He always called her a princess, and gave her flowers to put in her hair. Her fathers infamy with some of the townspeople like Scipio would soon become apparent, and would cause problems in Rosalie's life, even though she was unsuspecting of it at the time.

When Rosalie was six, her mother and father separated. Sona left, and Rosalie was left in the care of Darren. He did not tell her much about why Sona left, she was too young to understand. Darren soon finished the new home after that. It was on the outskirts of town. It make all of the other buildings in town seem small.

Town soon grew boring for Rosalie. She had already explored it thoroughly, and she could not engage in conversation with adults, as most of them were busy anyways. She could not understand what most of the adults were talking about anyways. They yelled a lot too. The only one who truly engaged in conversation with Rosalie was a woman named Katryna. Kat was nice to Ro, and acted as a mother figure towards her too. She even gave Ro an old pair of her clothes, and though they fit poorly, Rosalie liked them. They had flowers on them. When Darren heard about Katryna being around Rosalie, he became angry. Ro could not understand why. Kat was so nice to her.

One day Kat left too, and Rosalie was left without a friend again. Fortunately this changed when she met Thomas, a boy not much older than she was. Thomas at the time had no home, so she brought him to her home so he could stay there. Darren was surprised to see Thomas when he returned home. After a long talk with Thomas, Darren agreed to let him stay in the home. Rosalie and Thomas would have many adventures together, getting themselves in a lot of trouble along the way. Rosalie re-explored the town with Thomas, finding new things to do.

Unexpectedly, Sona returned home one day. Rosalie could hear her and Darren talking in their room. She and Thomas snuck up to the door to listen, but their conversation had ended by then. Rosalie was overjoyed to see her mother again. Unfortunately, after just a few days of being home, Sona left again. That was the last time Rosalie would ever see her mother.

Rosalie's father later introduced her to Jenny. Rosalie thought Jenny was quite strange. She talked strangely and always looked dirty, like she had been playing in mud. Rosalie didn't mind too much though. Playing in the mud was fun.

When Rosalie was eight, she became very sick. At this point, her father was in trouble with the town now more than ever. Rosalie really didn't know what it was about. She could hear a lot of yelling from downstairs sometimes. It made Rosalie sad, hearing her father yell. Thomas would come and visit her quite often, which would cheer her up.

When Rosalie was starting to recover, her father informed her that they were moving again. This time out of Auria. He said that Thomas was not coming with them. Once again, Rosalie would lose another friend. However, in time, things would get better.

A lady soon began staying at her home. Her name was Alice. Darren told her to call her Auntie Alice, because she was his sister. Darren did not go into much detail about why Alice was here, just that they were moving, and were going across the sea to live in a castle. Alice would stay in the old house for a while, because she wanted to "explore". Darren and Rosalie left on a ship to the Mainland not long after.

Adjusting to life as royalty was not difficult for Rosalie. She met her grandparents, and Jenny soon became a sort of mother figure to her. She also got to explore new places, and got almost anything that she wanted. Life soon hit another bump though.

Alice had frequently wrote to the family, however, a letter had not been received from her in months. Darren, fearing the worst, decided to go investigate. He left on a ship back to Auria, and for the first time, Rosalie was away from her father.

It was years later when her father and aunt finally returned home. Alice looked like she had aged ten years. After the two got settled back in, they told everyone what had happened. Apparently a volcano outside of Auria had exploded, raining dust upon the town. Many of the towns members, including Alice had left the town in search for a new home. When Darren arrived, he found a ruined town. Darren tracked the townspeople down, and lived with them until they arrived in Ravenna, where they took a ship home.

Finally for once the family could settle down in peace. Life went on for this like a long time. However, Rosalie soon grew bored of kingdom life. She wanted to explore the world, like Alice had. She just hoped that she would have a more pleasant time that her aunt had. Rosalie liked the outdoors though, and meeting new people. Alice did too, but her being known as "Darren's sister" did not gain her popularity among the people.

Rosalie talked with her family about what she wanted to do. She was nineteen at this time, a woman. Rosalie learned basic skills with the bow from her father, and she could hunt. Oddly enough, Darren liked the idea. He thought that it would serve as a learning experience to Rosalie.

Darren had decided to send Rosalie a small ship. He did not want her entrance to the town to become too noticed. Rosalie boarded the ship, accompanied by her father's guard, who would make sure that she had a safe trip, and soon set off for Ravenna.



Specify your character's skills:
-Gardening
-Hunting
-Painting (Learned from Darren)

Do your character bring anything to the setting (part from clothes)?
-Knife
-Bow, Quiver, Arrows

Anything you'd like to add:
Apologies if everything isn't exactly chronological. It's difficult to remember everything that happened in Auria since Darren and Rosalie arrived there.

[Michelle]

Welcome back, Nick.
*cracks knuckles*
We’ll go over the larger issues first because it’ll get this post out faster, and because you will probably fix the small things in the process of fixing the larger issues.

1. Your application relies on too much prior knowledge to be understood. For example, not everyone knows that Highport was in the Forbidden Lands, meaning it’s unclear that Rosalie already lived there up until about the ‘Auria’ part. Some sections were even confusing for me, and you know I’ve been here a while. Please add more overall details so that this backstory can be understood on its own.

2. Your application lacks lore relation. Having a character born in the Forbidden Lands doesn’t exclude their backstory from lore relation, especially since Rosalie did end up in the mainland where things still aren’t okay (if you don’t know what I mean, read the updated lore). Please revise.
3. To expand on the previous point, there’s a massive gap between Rosalie leaving Auria and the end of her backstory. The focus shifts to Alice and Darren leaving and going, and it’s like Rosalie doesn’t have a life of her own. What did she do? Please see point 4b for more, try to bring the focus back to where it should be, and elaborate.

4. Personality issues:
a) Currently, your application doesn’t include any information on your character’s personality. Please provide an in-depth description, and note that solely using lists of traits to describe is no longer acceptable here.
b) Also keep in mind that this personality should also be evident in your character’s backstory. Currently, your character’s backstory reads more like a summary of RP events rather than a backstory, and this is what has opened up the major issues in your application. The events described all relate to Rosalie and her life, but Rosalie herself isn’t explored in a particularly meaningful way. How did the events in her life impact her? How have they shaped who she is today? How have they affected her relationships with the people around her? Remember that this is about Rosalie. Please see point 3 for more (if you haven’t already), and revise.

5. Skill issues:
a) Your character’s backstory lacks skill development. It’s not enough to tell us where she learnt her skills; how about why she learnt them, or what she felt about learning them? Are they things she’s passionate about? Please consider questions such as these (but not just these), and elaborate.
b) Your character’s skills are too vague. We need some idea of how much she knows in each of these skills, and we also need an idea of what each skill actually involves activity-wise. Please see this skill guide for more, and revise.

6. For the sake of common courtesy and ensuring no one’s creation is misrepresented, you must have permission to include other players’ characters in your character’s backstory. In your case, you’re only required to go over things with Tim and Fire, as they’re still active members of the community (whereas everyone else mentioned is not, however if you’re in contact with them, it would still be polite to ask). Please get permission.

I know the standards were different the last time you wrote an application, but I still believe you can do better. Personally speaking, I feel like this concept lacks innovation and creativity. Perhaps you should try a completely new character, unrelated to any previous ones; it would be a lot simpler, and a refreshing change in direction for you. But if you’d like to continue with this concept, Zark also recommends contacting Brew (since he was the last one to RP Ro, thus he could give you some insight into Rosalie’s personality for you to base your take on) and Fire (because Thomas has been writing to Rosalie over the years).

That’s all, for now. Good luck.

[NickB333]

I think you're right. Go ahead and trash this. I'll post a new thread when I have a new backstory drafted up. Thanks!

[Michelle]

M'kay, but don't let my hard work on that feedback post go to waste by making the same mistakes. Apply this feedback to your new story before you post it, and the best of luck to you.