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Terry Riggs
#1
Name: Terry Riggs

Gender: Male

Age: 30

Skills:

Hunting: Competent
Herbalism: Apprentice

Appearance: 

The most striking part about Terry is his bloodshot eye, where the damage to the iris is quite permanent and had left his right eye quite impaired, but not blind. Some would say he is quite handsome, with his angular jaw and well tanned skin, but not so many hold on to that opinion after a morning's session of chatting with the man. He sports a short ponytail which he cuts now and again for use in his experiments, and constantly wears a wide-brimmed hat to protect himself from the 'aethery rays' from the sun. Other garments include fairly frayed and tattered clothing mainly of cotton and leather. 

Personality:

If Terry starts talking, a man's advice to his enemy would be: run. Terry can seemingly talk for hours on end without regard to the degrading attention of his fellow men, and will occasionally start to talk to himself if he hasn't an audience. He is a fairly jovial fellow, and does not take offense easily, but mainly fails to see why people around him tend to be so busy whenever he tries to talk to them. 

Regarding his deteriorating health due to his expereiments, he is only positive that he is making progress, and will be exhaustingly adamant as to the sound logic of others. But aside from his one mentally flawed goal and his hyper active tongue, he is a very likeable fellow, sympathetic and simple, and quite diligent in his work - including hunting.  

 
Items brought to the setting:

A worn longbow
A quiver and three arrows
Two notebooks of 'research' notes
A couple of bottles containing the remains of dusk spawns

#2
Sorry for the wait, Young, here's the first real round of feedback.

It's somewhat difficult to follow a passage of time in the 'simplified version' of the backstory. I'd recommend describing his age at certain events, like when he poisons the water and when his father died, as well as giving the reader an idea of how much time is passing between events. It would also help to reference major lore events through the story.

That's all I have for now. Bump the thread when you've made your edits and we'll continue.
#3
Ages and timeline things added
#4
Alright, Young, next round.

In the first half of the story, I need to see relation to the lore, specifically the Slavery and the Purges, which would have occured in his childhood and early teens, if I recall correctly (Unlikely).

Also, I have to ask for some detail into this nether infusion business mentioned toward the end. It's not lying around in bottles with a handy hyperdermic needle to hand.

Anyway, that's all this time round. Bump again and we'll continue. Also... for the sake of my waining attention span, please highlight any edits made in a different colour.
#5
According to my timeline, the purges and the slavery things happened years before his birth. Terry was born a few years after the start of the Civil Wars. As for the infusing thing, he had a Xitian do that for him. I'll add that little bit into the backstory.
  


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