[Hutchy]

Alright, Manorbros, I'm Hutchy and I'm back with your feedback.

• Your backstory needs more relation to the setting's lore, which can be found here. There needs to be some relation to the lore to help us see how and why this character fits into the setting. While it is possible that the character's location can be so remote, word of a civil war, cultural slavery and such still travels and could have had an effect on previous generations. Being 68 years of age, Achon would have been born before the Age of Rebirth and should have some knowledge of the Xitians’ slaving. Please re-read the lore and keep what you learn in mind as you make the edits.

• Your character’s backstory doesn't do a lot to explain personal growth over his life. The backstory needs to show more description of how he was as a child, how he was through adolescence and then into adulthood. It is necessary that we see how the character has changed over the years before arriving in the setting. Please work on this.

• Seventeen years seem to pass in the story with no explanation of what happened in between. You should try to tell the reader what has occurred in that time. Did he gain any new skills, acquaintances? Did any other life changing events take place?
  This also applies some way into the story when 44 years pass with not a lot of description of what happened in between, besides falling in love and being taught by Lucins. Please elaborate on this point.

• 'He took him under his wing and tried to teach him to be a smith at the age of one' I'm afraid that this simply isn't possible in a realistic setting, nevermind being able to make a sword after three months of training, even with help. At such a young age, Achon would have only just started to practice the necessary motor skills to stand. Though blacksmithing apprentices start at a young age, usually around 9 years and up, in those times, this does not work. Please revise this.

• As the last point, the character's backstory must end with their arrival in the Forbidden Lands, where the RP setting is located. Please add this to the backstory in your next edit.

That's all for now, please bump the thread when you have made your edits and we can continue.